Tag Archives: dor

The story of us (a dream undreamed yet)

It was March when you came. Unannounced, unprepared. Even for yourself.
It was just you and your dog. Nothing else. I found you sitting on the stairs, on my floor, in front of my door.

As I was walking up the stairs, I stopped, looked at you, even stared. You were there. I have dreamt of this so many times, in so many ways, and now, that you’re there, I couldn’t believ it. I passed you and got to the door, holding my breath, as if, if I exhaled, you would disappear…like a ghost. Puppy followed me, wiggling its tail, and as I opened the door, I looked back, my eyes asking you if you wanna come in.

I was silent on the outside, even cold, I couldn’t breathe, talk, think, but the inner voices we’re messing with my mind, my heart, my soul and butterflies. Inside of me a storm began: the thought you cannot be here, it’s not real, that I’m dreaming, the insane happiness of seeing you waiting for me as I waited for you all year, the dreams and hopes I created of you moving here, to try once more to be…more, the memories of that night, the kisses we shared, the glances we got lost into, the lust and despair of one night together and then the going away.

I put water to boil, looking at it so intensely as if I could boil it with my sight, listening to your steps, and the dog’s in the hallway and the house. You were there. Inside. My house. As you stopped in the kitchen’s doorway, I looked up. Your face, your smile, your blue eyes and red hair. Your eyes said so much, into them I could read the story of your year, the trip that got you here, the decisions you had do make, the family you left behind, the girlfriend you had for a few months, the memory of that night, our walk in the snow, the games, the team, your job and your mom. As I exhaled, I closed my eyes. What if I open them and you are not there anymore? I heard your steps toward me and as I opened my eyes, tears appeared.
– I cannot believe, where the first word to come out
– Come here, you said
– Why did you come? What are you trying to say?

Your hands around my waist as the water loudly boiled on the stove. I put my hands on your chest and suddenly I remembered it all, the night, the kisses, the memory of our bodies mixing into one, the feeling when you lift me, it was all back as if it was yesterday. You brought me closer and started to share your thoughts. You, who rarely talked, you, from whom I had to pull our words with a pair of tongs, you, who are so good at keeping things to yourself. You, who missed me, who remembered everything, just like me, you, who were grateful for opening up to me; you, who had a different life there, you, who fell in love for a month, you, who didn’t want to move back, but had to, you, who when you realized you had to move back for your mom, the first thought was of us.

Talk to me – from ElephantJournal.com

Talk to me

Like you mean it
Arms divide
Dive in
To that urge
To scream
Sobs drenched with thoughts
Tell me the things
You deny
Because you fear
It’ll go unresolved
So you hide
Inside
But don’t,

Let me know you
In that way
This way
When your heart sighs
Relieved
Here I am
Ready
To listen
Trust me
Intimacy bleeds the freedom
That stains
Love is released
When we stop being afraid
Scratch that,
When we are scared the most
Shaken to the core
But we have to,
Have to
Burst forth
Not a moment before
After, oh sweet after
It’s worth it,
To crack
Open wide

Let me inside
Our hearts become friends
Our souls intertwine
This is the purpose of the human—
Divine while confined
If we can let go of control
Then we will know
This love, it’s free
Then once we do,
So are we.

poem found on ElephantJournal.com – i felt each word of it as it was my own

căutare

Ma cauti pe mine?
Ma caut in tine,
ma pierd in privire
ca o despartire.

Vad scene nescrise
Şi-aud glasuri triste
Sunt vocile mele
Vorbind intre ele.
Nu tac, nu stau locului
Neliniştite, ca petalele focului
Ard totul în mine
De-i gând sau privire.

Sunt suflete goale
Ca trestii uşoare
De mijloc curbate
Un arc peste toate
Emoţiile, fluturii şi visele toate
Ce cresc, răspândesc
Arome aduse
din vremuri nespuse.
Sunt vise răpuse…

dor si dor, mai ceva ca apolodor

Am citit intr-un articol incredibil de frumos ca sufletele pereche apar in viata noastra ca sa ne oglindeasca la un moment dat si sa ne ajute sa ne schimbam si ca e normal sa le lasam sa plece si sa nu ne atarnam de ele.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants.

But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever?

Nah. Too painful.

Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.”

~  Elizabeth Gilbert

Mi-a venit in minte ideea asta azi cand in mine rasuna dorul si ma cufundasem intr-o zona de (o sa sune ciudat poate) dor si detasare. Detasare caci, in general, e dor de o stare si nu de persoana care imi dadea starea aceea. Insa azi, dorul s-a intors cu gandul de “imi e dor de el”, de ochii lui, de atingerea lui, asa cum numai el a putut sa ma faca sa ma simt de protejata, iubita, imbratisata in toata fiinta mea – materie si suflet. Si cu toate astea, cu fericirea ca e intr-o relatie de lunga durata, iar pozele care apar pe wall once in a while par pline de fericire. Ciudat. Extreme din mine s-au manifestat astazi impreuna ca sa ma puna pe ganduri.

Si sa imi dau seama ca el a fost / este unul din sufletele mele pereche – poate a true soul mate – sa rememorez stari si momente, sa integrez in minte schimbarile care au venit din momentele noaste impreuna, to have my heart broken once more so i can let new light inside.

Pentru ca, daca am realizat ceva din cumul de stari azi, este ca o parte din mine traieste inca in trecut – trecutul in care eram slaba, trecutul in care eram iubita, iar iubirea noastra era pura, trecutul in care totul era aventura, trecutul in care eram libera si porneam la joaca. Sunt franturi si nu mai sunt atat de mari si de multe, insa prin faptul ca sunt acolo, ma tin ancorata de o lume in care nu mai sunt, nu mai suntem nici unul si care nu mai revine niciodata la fel. Ancorata astfel incat, desi ma misc si evoluez, sa raman pe loc si sa stagnez.

Iar obsesia muzicala de azi, inca dinainte de a deveni constienta de dorul interior, este Let Go   Coincidenta? 🙂