wanting to stay still but afraid to do so

stari zboara in mine ca un roi de fluturi nelinistiti, incercand si voind sa se exprime. de cand am plecat de la Olde vechte nu am apucat prea mult sa stau singura, sa analizez ce s-a intamplat acolo, aventurile prin care am trecut si descoperirile pe care le-am facut. 

at first it was hard, to let go of what was there, of the people and moods, of the new things discovered inside. I felt I didn’t want to let go of it. but then, day by day, the feeling became lighter and lighter. it’s natural, i know, but still i don’t know how to handle it and if i want it to fade. I’m not sure it’s fading away or if it will just wait for the ocasion when to be used. i’m not sure of anything yet, feelings, moods, what i want to do next and i’m still waiting (!) for it to clear out. This waiting part i feel it’s not good, i need to work on that, to help the thoughts clear out, not let them run around. 

i’m still in 2 opposite moods and feelings, (not using yet the AND in between as i discovered): i feel i have time, but yet i don’t seem to find any for me; i feel relaxed and ready for whatever is coming to me, but a little anxious for not planning ahead; i feel curios of how it and I will be once i come back to Bucharest, but feel like I am not ready for that yet. 

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