and jump!

The rush, the fear. The wind through my hair.oh, god! breathe in, breathe out. like in a dream, I hear the instructions far away. “hands outside the bars. that’s right”. the line, the sky and the earth separated like in a storybook drawing. “don’t look down”. of course I did. I’m scared. I’m here, on the bungee jumping platform, barely breathing, barely thinking, with heart racing so hard it scares me even more. the chord is pulling me down, heavily bond to my ankles. “get closer to the edge”. the panic rises, I’m going there, the chord is heavier, it’s gonna take me down sooner than planned. what if I get hurt, what if I die. should I jump?

“I’m gonna say 3..2..1…jump. On jump you go. if you don’t go from the first time, you will not jump the second time. most of..” jump? I’m gonna die. the earth, the sky, the line, the chord pulling me down. “jump, jump”, the wind is blowing in my ear and my pores. every cell is open and aware. the noise on the ground is blurred but so clear. laughter, talks, jokes and “oh, my”. I feel like at the circus, with people passing by. what if I hit the metal? if I don’t jump right? what if…

“ok, I’m gonna let go now. you’re on your own.”. aa! Breathe in, breathe out, it’s like the whole air is not enough for me now. “hands out” – are you crazy, I’m gonna fall. “foot half outside the cabin”. breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out, in, out, looking down, a glimpse, metal in my palm, breathe in, out, wind, the weight,  chest up and down, in, out, “ok”. fuck! just that, no other thought. Fuck!. “ready?”. breathe in breathe out in out in out breathe breathe breathe..”2..1..jum…”I’m out, I dived. a second I’m not alive. I fly and it’s like my body is empty inside. aaaaaah! I scream.i open my eyes when the cord is pulling me up, fighting with gravity over me. Wow! I’m back up, and down, (brea…), and up and down, slower and slower, I’m shaking with tears in my eyes, I’m looking down, swinging and moving on, I’m screaming and feeling incredibly high. no fucking drug could do that! Image screaming and feeling alive. scream my heart out, the adrenaline rush makes me shake so hard that I fear I could fall from the bonds. I forgot to breathe, I’m just screaming, and laughing and trembling. breathe, I’m down, shaking from every little bone inside.

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