I’ve been here before. Losing friends is my speciality. I could write a book about it.

Well, actually, it’s not friends in general, it’s the same friends all over again. So, I should already be prepared for this, but whenever this “forgeting to call, to write, to invite me somewhere” happens, I am surprised and hurt. A lot. I guess you can never be prepared enough.

It’s, I think, our 3rd or 4th break up, since we’ve known each other (past 13 years, or so) and this time I know it’s for real. The “we always say we should meet but never actually call to see how any of us is doing” kind of over. The 4th time and it still hurts. I guess I’ll never learn my lesson.

And I know I should let go and that, although I’m planing on doing that, I am still holding on to the past.

Ma desprind cu iubire de trecut şi mă focusez pe momentul prezent. 

This is my lesson, the advice and the path I should follow.
I’m trying. I’m trying to let go, but letting go it’s not so easy for me, especially when it comes to people.

I’ve been lonely. Until recently, i’ve been the “afraid-but-watching-people-from-distance” type of person. Taught by family and parents that society is a mean place to be in and that you should not trust anybody, I grew up with only books and food by my side, filling voids. It’s no wonder i’ve been obese for most of my life, hell, I even got back again to that size after a few slimmer years. So, when I finally made some friends, i got kind of glued to them. And that, also led to break ups.

For some time now, i’ve been better, met new people, started to make new friends, reinforced some old shaky ones, but still couldn’t connect all the dots for these 2. I don’t know why I am so afraid to let go when, on the other side, these people let go quite some time ago.


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