words from the inner mother – writing meditation

I want to tell you something about life
About the dreams you hold inside
About the ups and downs, about the age and theft of
Of dreams went broke and left behind.
I want to tell you all…and something nice.
To sing a song along with it
That you can buy on isle 5.
I want to tell you all there is
Of love and hope, of hope and dreams
Of reaching out and going deep
Of holding your hand out into the cold hoping it would catch a drop.
I want to tell you something nice
of birds and songs that come alive
Only when you smile
Of songs that turn you into birds
With wings and `wanna play’s` into their eyes
With feathers of gold.
I want to tell you something more
Don’t give up on your dreams and go
Cause you don’t need to say it more
But the look in your eyes when you think of it – no matter that “it“ is – is incredible and luminous
I want for you to know it all
to tell you all and hold you long
To keep you all
Safe and confident, to do it all
To not take blame or shame along.
I want to keep you safe and warm
So you can dream
and hatch your hopes
to grow your wings
as strong as a bow
(that’s funny, cause bowing doesn’t come with wings)
and clear as fog.
I want to hold you space so close
but yet so loose and form your sacred place to grow
I want to tell you something more
Your dreams, your hopes, your love for songs
Is there, still warm, just waiting for a note to go
Across the sun, the yard, the sea
Across the Opera of Me.
I want to tell you this and more
I love your song and love you more
So go my child. Be brave and play
Play with your voice
And go away.
Don’t worry cause you’ll let me go
I’ll be here still, holding it all,
I’ll love you more than you can know
And happily keep shining on
For you, for me, for all of us
For all that needs to come on out


What i really need you to know is this
There is no right or wrong
No yes or no
There’s only this… this moment here
This second when you’re breathing in.
And even this, right now, is gone
So what i really need to know…
Just go, don’t need to know it all
Just fall and go
Go up the hill and down the road
Rise up from bed and try again
And go where you never thought you might go


Let this be the year – Wild writing exercise

Let this be the year of love
Let this be the year of love. For each other, for another, for a cat or stray dog in the streets.
Let this be the year! The year of love. For music and travel, for coats and bridges.
Let this be the year of fashion! Of shoes and fur and fashion shows. Inside my mind, my nest, my body, my heart.
Let this be the year of love
Of bed sheets undone, of cold feet at the end of it warming each other
Let this be the year of sun. Of sea wind and flowy white clothes
Let this be the year of love
Let this be. Let ME be. I let myself be. i am ME.
Let this be the year of love
Let this be the year of freedom, of signing off and jumping off from a bridge. No, from the tallest building there is!
Let this be the year of opened wings, of diving into thin air and to find myself safely into bed
Let this be the year. It already is.
It started 2 days ago, what, didn’t you hear?
Let this be the year of love, of fun and games
Of trainings and plays
Fun and freedom
Let this be the year when I feel alive all the time, and raw and safely exposed as in a safe and sacred space held in workshops
Let this be the year of love. For myself. For yourself.
Let this be the year of touch. I touch myself and you and all.
I feel touched by all
Let this be the year of warmth. And cold.
And wet and snow. Of all fully expressed.
Let this be the year of wrongs, of mistakes made in the process of growth.
Of mama bear and papa bearthere to protect
Let this be the year of bests. When mistakes turn into nest
Let this be the year of rest.
Let this be the year of dove
Of jumping through hoops and playing with the wind. Of diving deep and happily reaching for air
Let this be the year of waves, so deep, that wash all away.
Let this be the year of bests!
2016 mantra 🙂

The story of us (a dream undreamed yet)

It was March when you came. Unannounced, unprepared. Even for yourself.
It was just you and your dog. Nothing else. I found you sitting on the stairs, on my floor, in front of my door.

As I was walking up the stairs, I stopped, looked at you, even stared. You were there. I have dreamt of this so many times, in so many ways, and now, that you’re there, I couldn’t believ it. I passed you and got to the door, holding my breath, as if, if I exhaled, you would disappear…like a ghost. Puppy followed me, wiggling its tail, and as I opened the door, I looked back, my eyes asking you if you wanna come in.

I was silent on the outside, even cold, I couldn’t breathe, talk, think, but the inner voices we’re messing with my mind, my heart, my soul and butterflies. Inside of me a storm began: the thought you cannot be here, it’s not real, that I’m dreaming, the insane happiness of seeing you waiting for me as I waited for you all year, the dreams and hopes I created of you moving here, to try once more to be…more, the memories of that night, the kisses we shared, the glances we got lost into, the lust and despair of one night together and then the going away.

I put water to boil, looking at it so intensely as if I could boil it with my sight, listening to your steps, and the dog’s in the hallway and the house. You were there. Inside. My house. As you stopped in the kitchen’s doorway, I looked up. Your face, your smile, your blue eyes and red hair. Your eyes said so much, into them I could read the story of your year, the trip that got you here, the decisions you had do make, the family you left behind, the girlfriend you had for a few months, the memory of that night, our walk in the snow, the games, the team, your job and your mom. As I exhaled, I closed my eyes. What if I open them and you are not there anymore? I heard your steps toward me and as I opened my eyes, tears appeared.
– I cannot believe, where the first word to come out
– Come here, you said
– Why did you come? What are you trying to say?

Your hands around my waist as the water loudly boiled on the stove. I put my hands on your chest and suddenly I remembered it all, the night, the kisses, the memory of our bodies mixing into one, the feeling when you lift me, it was all back as if it was yesterday. You brought me closer and started to share your thoughts. You, who rarely talked, you, from whom I had to pull our words with a pair of tongs, you, who are so good at keeping things to yourself. You, who missed me, who remembered everything, just like me, you, who were grateful for opening up to me; you, who had a different life there, you, who fell in love for a month, you, who didn’t want to move back, but had to, you, who when you realized you had to move back for your mom, the first thought was of us.

Still there, deep inside

Still there
Like a ghost created by my mind
Still there
Like a creature brought from another life.

You’re still there,
Although it’s been so long,
So deep in my thoughts
My dreams and my hopes.

You’re still there,
My God, I wish you were not,
It’s been years, 4 in a row,
Since we chose different paths.

But you’re still
Like the pictures I see
Still there like a rock
Who’s dragging me deep.
And I cling onto you
And I ask myself why
‘cause I know no good sense
That you’re still in my mind.

Talk to me – from ElephantJournal.com

Talk to me

Like you mean it
Arms divide
Dive in
To that urge
To scream
Sobs drenched with thoughts
Tell me the things
You deny
Because you fear
It’ll go unresolved
So you hide
But don’t,

Let me know you
In that way
This way
When your heart sighs
Here I am
To listen
Trust me
Intimacy bleeds the freedom
That stains
Love is released
When we stop being afraid
Scratch that,
When we are scared the most
Shaken to the core
But we have to,
Have to
Burst forth
Not a moment before
After, oh sweet after
It’s worth it,
To crack
Open wide

Let me inside
Our hearts become friends
Our souls intertwine
This is the purpose of the human—
Divine while confined
If we can let go of control
Then we will know
This love, it’s free
Then once we do,
So are we.

poem found on ElephantJournal.com – i felt each word of it as it was my own


Ma cauti pe mine?
Ma caut in tine,
ma pierd in privire
ca o despartire.

Vad scene nescrise
Şi-aud glasuri triste
Sunt vocile mele
Vorbind intre ele.
Nu tac, nu stau locului
Neliniştite, ca petalele focului
Ard totul în mine
De-i gând sau privire.

Sunt suflete goale
Ca trestii uşoare
De mijloc curbate
Un arc peste toate
Emoţiile, fluturii şi visele toate
Ce cresc, răspândesc
Arome aduse
din vremuri nespuse.
Sunt vise răpuse…


cuvinte nebune
răsună străbune
cuvinte uitate
născute din noapte.
Sunt şoapte.

Sunt umbrele fine
ca roi de albine
Sunt umbrele nopţii
Furiş, precum hoţii,

Sunt urme
Lăsate de acte uitate;
Sunt plânsete, gesturi
Nespuse în versuri.
Sunt istorii apuse
şi lacrimi răpuse
Ce reînvie agale,
Şi sar în picioare
La gesturi mărunte
şi doruri cărunte
de-atâta aşteptare,
nevoie şi stare
de nerăbdare.

Sunt umbre pătrunse
de rime apuse
Pierdute în noapte
În pagini şi şoapte.


Avocat de cozi de peşte
Ce şade-n peşteri rupestre
‘n tribunale-şi face veacul
De l-a pomenit Feleacul.

Aşa-l cunoscuse lumea
Îl vorbea de-o durea gura
De-l vedeai, nu dai un ban,
Pe sfrijitul de golan


Lasă-mă să zbor
În bătăi de aripi
să mor,
Ca ploaia să cad dintre nori
Şi liberă ca raza să mă strecor

Prin crăpături de uşi şi pereţi
Prin hăţişuri de dureri verzi.
Pe gene uşor să te-alint;
Lasă-mă-n braţe să te simt
Ca pe un copil uitat de părinţi.

Şi-apoi lasă-mă-n noapte să plec
Printre vârste uitate să trec.

Lasă-mă şi uită-mă apoi
Să plec, căci nu sunt ca voi
Lasă, tu nu vei ştii că am fost
Iar eu îmi voi aminti fără rost
De zile şi ani, ce-n şir se petrec
De răul şi binele ce mereu se întrec

Done while listening to this:

Spune-mi pe nume

Spune-mi pe nume
ce arzi în adânc,în mină de fier.
Spune-mi un nume
pe care
să te strig când mă uit la cer.
Spune-mi şi lasă-mă-năuntru să sper.

Spune ce eu nu-ndrăznesc a-mi spune
Spune-le toate, ca o rugăciune.
Lasă să scape cuvintele toate
Aproape uitate.

Numai mie nu-ncepe a-mi spune
Ci lasă să ard ca un cărbune